You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
