names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
