How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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