I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You took a bar mat shot.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
