walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
