I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
