he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
