I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
