do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
