it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
