you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
