i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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