I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
