What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
