I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
