just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
