the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
