Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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