So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
