Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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