P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
