Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
