It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
