How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
