I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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