hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
