tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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