You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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