i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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