i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
