I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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