Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
