Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
