It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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