yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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