if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It was confusing and full of hummus
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
