you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I touched a dick in church today
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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