kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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