i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
