I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
