i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
