I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
