No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
