I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
