Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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