a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
