too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
