hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
why is half of my head shaved?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
