So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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