Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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