His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
