If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
