how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
