What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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