We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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