things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
