Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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