then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
