I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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