I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I want a musical about memes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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