Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
