she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Shitshow foam night was such a success
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
